no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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