im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
