I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
