Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize