drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
