If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
