Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
