I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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