So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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