Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
