Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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