I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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