now i know why i became what i already was.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
