Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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