This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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