she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
