You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
