At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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