elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
