you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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