When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
