i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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