You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
