Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
