I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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