So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
