I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize