Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
