Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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