she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
