Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
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