Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
