??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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