I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
