Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
