It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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