end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
