do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
