The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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