So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
