Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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