Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Welp...herpes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
