He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
