Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
