don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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