i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
