and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
