She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She needs sedatives and a leash
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
