Don't make out with my wife yet
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
