you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
