I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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