HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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