so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
