It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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