in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think your dad took our porno
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
