my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
