We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
