Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
