just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We are two peas in an std pod
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
