It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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